Where In The Hell Have I Been

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while, I’ve been on vacation. Well, not the whole time. Actually just a few days were vacation, the rest of the time I was just lazy. Plus I’ve been getting really pissy because you won’t leave comments.

Now I know how my mother felt. I give and I give, and what to I get in return? Nothing. But someday when you have a blog of your own, you’ll understand and you’ll know how it feels. But enough about the pain you selfish bastards have caused me.

Well maybe just a little bit more about it because I’m giving you a cold look and turning my back. Then I’m looking back just long enough until you look my way, then I’m looking away again and walking out of the room. I can only hope you feel guilty.

So, now my vacation. First I sold my car so we could afford to go parasailing at Put-In-Bay up on Lake Erie. It was fun, but I do miss my car. I also realized that there are a lot of dead fish floating on Lake Erie. It would have been cool if they were dead cats, but dead fish were sort of gross.

After parasailing we spent the afternoon on de island, mon. We rented a golf cart to get around. That was sort of fun too, but of course we were the lucky ones that got the slowest golf cart ever made. We kept getting passed by faster golf carts and it really made me understand what it feels like to be a poor person. It must really suck.

Now for a travel tip. If you ever go to Put-In-Bay, it is worth the trip, but save your money and skip the Perry’s Cave tour. I really wanted to smack someone after we were done and demand that they give me back my twenty bucks.

It was a cave, I’ll give them that, but otherwise let’s just say it didn’t make me feel like a genuine spelunker. All I really remember was having to duck my head every three feet and wishing I’d have spent my twenty bucks on a pay per view porn.

Anyway, the next day we went to the Great Wolf Lodge where they boasted the world’s largest indoor waterpark. First of all, how many indoor waterparks are there? I’m thinking maybe just a couple so they didn’t have a lot to compare to for size.

Which reminds me, thank God my wife didn’t have much of a sex life before we met. So she too didn’t have much to compare to for size. She still thinks I’m huge and I don’t try and correct her.

But back to the Great Wolf Lodge. The rooms were sweet and the park was fun, especially the blue slide, but the food sucked unless you like hair in your salad. I happen to be one of ones that don’t like hair in my salad so I had a problem.

Plus they don’t understand the concept of free refills. I was chocking on my God damn chicken wrap and I couldn’t even get an ice cube. What the hell kind of place won’t even give a dying man an ice cube? Well I’ll tell you, the Great Wolf Lodge.

Okay, I wasn’t really chocking, but I felt like pretending I was chocking just to illustrate a point. But then my wife started yapping about not making a scene. She thought I should just ask for a refill, and I thought she should ask for a ride home because at the time it really ticked me off. And I had a lot of time to think about it after I paid the bill and knocked on the door to our room for an hour begging to get in.

And that’s it for today. The gears aren’t really turning so if you didn’t think this was funny, leave a comment and request a refund.