Getting Over A Mom Look
Sorry I haven’t posted for a few days. It’s not that I haven’t been motivated to post, it’s just that my mom finally found my blog and told me to stop swearing and talking about farts. She also told me that I have to apologize to my ex-girlfriends for comparing them to turds.
Surprisingly, she thought the stuff about my special friend was okay at first. But then she said he probably has a lot of problems at home dealing with being retarded (she called him retarded, not me), so he didn’t need me making things worse.
It was a crushing blow to my creativity, especially the farts thing. So you see, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to post, I just felt lost without my main subjects – farts, turds, swearing and my special friend. That left very few things for me to talk about.
And why is it? Why is it that a mom can still bring a grown man to his knees? Life can be cruising along nicely for me. I’ve got a place to talk about farts, I’ve got internet porn, I’ve got… well, that’s pretty much it, but it’s a good life. Then I get the ‘mom look’ and the walls come crashing down.
It’s like I went back in time and farted on my sister in the back seat of the car and caught my mom’s disapproving glare in the rear-view mirror. I would sink in my seat in shame. Then my sister would give me that sly look right before she said, “Mom, he farted again.” And since the bitch was lying, I’d smack her upside the head.
My mom, of course, would then think that I did fart again, and that I smacked my sister upside the head for no good reason, and she’d say, “Damn it, I warned you.” Then my worst fears would come true as she actually pulled the car over.
Parents always threaten to pull the car over, but they never do. My mom was one of the few parents that actually pulled the car over. And she also had a pretty long reach and she was very well trained in how to smack me in just such a way that it made me cry every time.
She doesn’t smack me anymore, but she does still have the look. And all she has to do is give me the look and I know to shut up before I get smacked, even though I know I won’t get smacked anymore. I can even hear ‘the look’ in her voice when we’re talking on the phone. It’s one of those mother-son bonds that transcend the physical world.
Anyway, I hope you understand why I haven’t posted for a few days. It’s tough getting over a ‘mom look’ as some of you may be familiar with. When I was a kid, I could bounce back from a mom look as soon as Hong Kong Phooey or The Banana Splits came on, but it’s not so easy now that I’m older.
Surprisingly, she thought the stuff about my special friend was okay at first. But then she said he probably has a lot of problems at home dealing with being retarded (she called him retarded, not me), so he didn’t need me making things worse.
It was a crushing blow to my creativity, especially the farts thing. So you see, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to post, I just felt lost without my main subjects – farts, turds, swearing and my special friend. That left very few things for me to talk about.
And why is it? Why is it that a mom can still bring a grown man to his knees? Life can be cruising along nicely for me. I’ve got a place to talk about farts, I’ve got internet porn, I’ve got… well, that’s pretty much it, but it’s a good life. Then I get the ‘mom look’ and the walls come crashing down.
It’s like I went back in time and farted on my sister in the back seat of the car and caught my mom’s disapproving glare in the rear-view mirror. I would sink in my seat in shame. Then my sister would give me that sly look right before she said, “Mom, he farted again.” And since the bitch was lying, I’d smack her upside the head.
My mom, of course, would then think that I did fart again, and that I smacked my sister upside the head for no good reason, and she’d say, “Damn it, I warned you.” Then my worst fears would come true as she actually pulled the car over.
Parents always threaten to pull the car over, but they never do. My mom was one of the few parents that actually pulled the car over. And she also had a pretty long reach and she was very well trained in how to smack me in just such a way that it made me cry every time.
She doesn’t smack me anymore, but she does still have the look. And all she has to do is give me the look and I know to shut up before I get smacked, even though I know I won’t get smacked anymore. I can even hear ‘the look’ in her voice when we’re talking on the phone. It’s one of those mother-son bonds that transcend the physical world.
Anyway, I hope you understand why I haven’t posted for a few days. It’s tough getting over a ‘mom look’ as some of you may be familiar with. When I was a kid, I could bounce back from a mom look as soon as Hong Kong Phooey or The Banana Splits came on, but it’s not so easy now that I’m older.
posted by Roscoe at 5:56 AM
1 Comments:
Hello Mr. Fartmonster! Too funny about getting whacked in the car. My dad had this special way of reaching you no matter where you were in the car and no matter how fast he was hauling down the road. Good times.......
Listen, you really need to take your wife out so she can use that special perfume....
popped over to say HI!
Post a Comment
<< Home