Feeling The Heat

I’m coming up on my two month anniversary here at Slipped In The Tub and the pressure is starting to wear on me. Now that I have around five of you that read my blog semi-regularly, it’s hard to deal with the responsibility of entertaining you when you’re bored at work.

Can I be funny every single day? Well, if you’ve been reading my blog on a regular basis, you know that I can’t. Okay, so then can I be funny at least once in a while so that maybe a few of you will keep trying back hoping that today is the day that I post something that isn’t completely retarded? Wow. Think about it. That’s a lot to deal with every day.

That kind of pressure, to write something once in a while that isn’t completely retarded, well it’s tough. Really tough. It’s even harder when I bounce a post idea off my wife and she just rolls her eyes. Then I have to explain why I think it’s funny and it really gets on her nerves.

She says things like, “I still don’t get it” or “Okay, but what you don’t understand is that most normal people don’t think that farts are funny.” Then I tell her that I’ll give her a hundred dollars to go buy herself a sense of humor. I mean it as a tension breaker, but she gets all mad and slams the door. Then I say it again and I tell her that I mean it this time.

That’s just the way she is though. She doesn’t take constructive criticism very well. But I think that having a sense of humor is pretty important, so what’s the harm in reminding her that she needs one?

I will give her this, though, she is at least a little clever. Because when I tell her to buy a sense of humor, sometimes she says things like, “Well obviously I already have one because our marriage is a joke.” So I guess that also makes her just a little bit witty too, doesn’t it?

Then she gets all upitty and says that she could have married someone who understands that foreplay is more than just saying how nice her ass looks in those jeans. What the hell is up with that? Christ. One day she says to compliment her more often, then when I do, she gets an attitude.

I guess I should just quit bouncing post ideas off her because it really isn’t very good for our marriage. But then what do I do? I have all this pressure to write something once in a while that isn’t completely retarded, and there’s no one that I can turn to.

I’m beginning to understand how Jesus felt. You know? Imagine all the pressure he had on him when he was trying to get his point across, and how everyone pretended like he was nuts. It really must have taken a toll on him.

Oh, and I’m not talking about the Jesus from the Bible, I mean the Jesus that used to buss tables at this restaurant I worked at in California. Nobody could understand anything he said because he only spoke Spanish. He couldn’t even say his own name right. He pronounced it Hey-Zues. Then when he’d try and write something down so we could understand it, it was still in Spanish so still nobody could understand what the hell he was trying to say.

That was probably pretty hard on him. We relied on him to get the dirty glasses to the dishwasher, but maybe we needed him to also refill some coffees in another part of the restaurant. It was a lot of pressure and I’m sure it got to him. Just like the pressure on me now to write something once in a while that isn’t completely retarded.

You guys count on me for that, and it’s completely fucking up my marriage so I hope you’re happy.

But anyway, thanks for checking in, I’m really glad you stopped by. I hope this post isn’t completely retarded and that you have a great day! And thanks for sticking with me for these first couple months. You’ve helped make Slipped In The Tub the 7,015th most read blog!